Live Fast - Die Old

'I'm here for a good time not a long time' he said to me once, and this stuck in my head.

The conversation that preceded this comment had been sparked by a sneeze. He sneezed. Smoke came out of his nostrils. He wasn't smoking. He was stood in the hotel kitchen.
'Smoke comes out of my nose when I sneeze' he said
'I noticed' I said, still slightly taken aback
'Its done that since I was about 17'
'Does that not make you think that there must be something wrong? That maybe smoking isn't a great idea for you?
'I'm here for a good time not a long time'.

In keeping everyone anonymous its sometimes hard to think up names that fully sum them up. There are times when initials just wont do. This is the case with this person. So for the purposes of this, he will be referred to as Laughter is Free, because these are the words emblazoned forever on his shoulder blades. And because, after all else is done and forgotten, he just made me laugh. You can forgive a man anything if he makes you laugh.

He was shipped in from the hotel in Courchevel where I had done my management training for the last few weeks of the season. I wasn't at work the day he turned up, I was at home in bed with Gastro vomiting and generally feeling sorry for myself. I had, that very morning, attempted to go to work and ended up being sick into a grate by a bus stop. I went back home to bed. It was a Sunday, a transfer day, so it was about 5 in the morning. The next day was my day off and I was feeling much better. And three of my best friends in the world had come on holiday to Meribel.

On the Monday night I introduced my friends to seasonaire living, to La Poste and the Ram Raid and then to the Pub, the Dominos and the 1080 which in essence is a pint of white wine topped off with lemonade and fruit syrup. Tastes like pop, gets you pissed really fast and is the drink of choice for most seasonaires in Meribel.

He was pointed out to me that night, 'that's the new assistant chef' someone said. I had been wondering who he was as he was hanging around with my staff and had been looking at me strangely for some while but I can't say I paid a huge amount of attention, my mind being on dancing with people I hadn't seen in months.

I was back in work the next day. I probably should have introduced myself to him but I was so used to people coming and going that it didn't cross my mind at the time. As I left the kitchen I heard him ask the head chef who I was, the head chef replied 'she's the assistant manager, she's been off for like weeks'. I had in fact only been off for 3 days and one of those days was actually my day off, the other 2 I was horrifically sick and was being followed round by the childcare manager who was violently spraying disinfectant air freshener everywhere I went.

I only really had one conversation with him those first few days. And that was about latex gloves. However the change in the atmosphere in the kitchen was instantly noticeable. It was no longer a completely horrific place to be. The week after the atmosphere changed again when the head chef was sacked and people were heard laughing again in the kitchen.

Wednesday afternoons at the hotel generally involved most of the staff having the day off, hitting apres early usually coming back early and felling asleep. I worked most wednesdays and had to deal with a succession of pissed up staff coming to raid the kitchen. I was just getting ready to leave work on Wednesday night and I was sitting on the kitchen work bench waiting for the night porter to turn up and take over. For just about the first time ever I had plans after work. I was going with Miss P to watch the Dominos' last gig of the season.

LiF suddenly appears in the kitchen walking in what could not be referred to as a straight line and instantly stops when he sees me sat there looking at him. I think in his head he was weighing up ifhe should try and pretend that he was sober or not. Whatever he decided I can spot pissed up members of my staff a mile off.
'I'm just coming for some food cos I'm starving' he said,
'there are sandwiches in the fridge' I replied.
He went to the fridge and chose a sandwich before asking what I was doing sat in the kitchen on my own. 'waiting for the night porter' I said.
'I will wait with you' he said and promptly positioned himself right next to me.

In between mouthfuls of ham baguette he turned to me and said 'you know...if you really wanted to.. You could give me a cuddle... I wouldn't mind' At this time he looked so cute and ernest and then this quickly turned into hurt when I instantly burst into laughter at this holey unexpected and bizarre suggestion.
'I will think about it' I said 'you just finish your sandwich'
'Promise you will think about it?'
'Yes'
I decided it was probably time to gently usher him out of the kitchen and send him back on his way to the staff accom, 'you could come with me' he said. 'No' I said, before commenting that chefs who worked in that kitchen weren't allowed to like me, 'they are idiots' he replied, 'I think your nice'.

It just happened that at that moment the night porter arrived,I got my coat on and did in fact head over to the staff accom to find Miss P. As I walked out LiF was walking just ahead of me, he turned round and smiled at me. It suddenly dawned on me, with a certain amount of horror, that he thought that I had changed my mind and was in fact going back with him. I then announced my plans with Miss P and swiftly went to find her.

After spending five minutes hurrying her along I popped my head out into the corridor to see who else was about. Suddenly out of nowhere, in a blur of colour, someone came rushing towards me shouting 'arrrggggggg' rather loudly. After a shocked second I pulled myself together and realised that he had stripped down to just his underpants and was now running at me down the corridor. In that same second I also saw that he was absolutely covered in very colourful tattoos. I ducked back into Miss P's room and made her get ready faster.

I don't know when I started to take an interest in LiF, I think it was probably the moment I caught a glimpse of his tattoos hurtling towards me. But suddenly, without even noticing, I was hanging out at Children's dinner much more than usual, and even once, helped him serve it up. We knew some of the same people, people I had met at management training and we were from the same part of the world. And he just had a way of making me laugh over silly things.

One Saturday, the day before Easter Day I was sat at home talking to the fashion designer, 'he's a nice boy, very polite', I said about him when he came into conversation.
'You fancy him' she said
'I don't' I instantly shot back
'You do, every time you fancy someone you say they are 'nice and very polite'. You said that about ram raid, you said it about the chef in Courchevel and you have just said it about him. And by the way, its fucking weird. Its fucking weird to refer to every man you fancy as 'A nice boy, very polite'. (I had not realised I did this until she so impolitely pointed it out)
'Maybe I do fancy him then' I mused



(I have stolen the title of this post from a song by the greatest singer songwriter of our generation, Frank Turner. This is because, not only is it relevant to demonstrate the difference between my thinking and LiF's, live fast die old vs here for a good time not a long time, but also because he once inferred that people who listen to Frank Turner tend to be really boring. He is wrong on this, as he was on many things)