The fireman calendar.

So, iv just been home for a few days and picked up some things. Amongst the things I brought back to decorate the blank walls of my rented room was my fireman calendar. That calendar represents one of the biggest disappointments I suffered while living in France (followed by not meeting a single Russian billionaire, let alone a handsome one who wanted to marry me and never being able to finish a raclette).

A few days before New Years two men walked into the hotel. I was someway off but was going over that way so hurried over to see what they wanted. They were talking to the manager who turned to me and told me that they were selling fireman calendars. Meribel fireman calendars.
'You should buy one' the manager said, 'always good to have the local fire service on side' he whispered 'let's not piss them off by not buying one'.
I was not thinking about getting in their good books by buying their calendar. I was thinking about having pictures of attractive firemen on my wall. By this time the rep had come over and her eyes had lit up with the prospect of the the firemen calendar too. We paid €5 for the calendar and the men made a swift exit. We hardly noticed them leave. We were ready to feast our eyes on the firemen.

Then, all gathered round the reception desk, the surprise and the disappointment set in. The calendar was full of pictures of road traffic accidents the Meribel fire service had visited. This is why the men selling it had made a quick exit, they knew it was crap and didn't want us to demand our money back once we had seen it. Each picture had several smiling firemen sat in the devastated wreckage of a car that had just come of the road. That seemed inappropriate at best. Along side these pictures were the smiling faces of firemen and women going about their daily business, in the office, in the cupboard where they keep the medical supplies, in the fruit and veg shop. Not a single handsome fireman wearing just a helmet with nothing but a fire hose to cover his dignity.

Me and the rep looked at each other with disappointment and then bust into laughter. It really was the most bizarre thing we had ever bought. We had just spent €5 on a load of pictures of road traffic accidents. We then precedes to choose our favourite picture.

The calendar when straight up on our living room wall and we showed it to everyone who came to the house. It made me smile every time I looked at it. It still does. Which is why it is now up in my house in London. And I will continue showing it to everyone who comes round.